One of the most powerful tools we have to determine truth, and therefore wisdom, is to ask questions. Not all questions are as useful as others and not all people you are talking to understand the topic you wish to know about.
When talking to someone with a logical viewpoint and rational way of talking about it, it is perfectly permissible to ask pointed questions. That way you come to an understanding of a subject. Questions could be: Why is X like Y? In what way did Z become that way? Explain the process of that?
This is true dealing with personal topics when talking with a logical and rational person: What is the history behind the writing of this religious text? Why does this stereotype exist? What are the cultural and historical reasons for behaving this way?
This changes when dealing with persons who speak from emotion and/or dogma. From a familiarity with a subject rather than an understanding of it. They feel something is a certain way. They believe it is a certain way. As mentioned in my last post on this topic, feelings and beliefs are not facts and also may be false. They do not mean an understanding on a subject but a familiarity on it. Familiarity, feelings and beliefs can get in the way of understanding and wisdom.
Since it is very hard to get an emotional person to speak on the root of a topic, they must be treated carefully. The background of their familiarity is based upon their gut or upbringing or basic knowledge, not their mind. It is reactive knowledge. For both of you to reach the point of gaining understanding and wisdom on a subject one is emotional about, you have to ask the right questions. There are two ways of doing this:
1. Why do you feel this way, and what are the steps that led to that belief? This sets up the conversation to start on the right foot. You are immediately indicating you want to learn why and are offering the other person to explain it to you and they will want to tell you. Just be sure to ask the other person to define things they talk about during their explanation: stereotypes, faith, racism, belief, death, soul, contrails, aliens... whatever. They might have a different definition than the commonly accepted one and you will better be able to understand their why if you know how they define things. Also never say that something said is wrong. You cannot say that a feeling is wrong because it is a familiarity with the truth, not an understanding of it. It will also shut them down to further conversation. By keeping things open and comfortable, you can determine the reason why they think their feeling and familiarity on a topic is right.
2. Don't allow the person to change topics. People who base their facts on feelings have a lot to say about related topics too. Wait for an opportune time to interrupt them, paraphrase what they have said (to let them know you have been listening), and tell them that you do not understand how it answers the original topic. Its a lot better than telling them they are avoiding the topic. Perhaps they are but don't want you to know they cannot answer. At least if they are doing this often, you know they are starting to realize that what they thought was fact is actually a feeling, not an understanding.
These two simple things can get to the heart of matters that a person believes is true and get to the root of the problem; why are not thinking for themselves, why are they empathizing what others want them to feel, why are they locking down their mind. Few organized groups who only have basic familiarity on a subject ask people to think for themselves why something is the way it is and fewer still ask them to think on how to make it better. This is especially true of religions where divergence from the status quo is a higher form of heresy than their basic rules.
One of my basic rules for when someone tells me something odd is "Trust but verify". Ask them why they feel this way and don't let them stray from the original topic. Perhaps pull out your cell phones or go to the library. There is a big world of people who are smarter than me if I have a want for understanding and wisdom. If I do have an understanding of the topic, then I try to use the above two methods to bring the person I am talking with to the realization that they were working on familiarity of a topic and not an understanding of it. Helping a person achieve understanding from within is always better than dictating to them.
Oh, and happy Eostre.
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